A gift in disguise

Back in December, the radio/CD player in my car stopped working.  Whenever I am in the car with my children, we sing songs, talk about the news we hear or listen to books on tape.  As we were approaching the holiday season and getting ready to go away, fixing the radio became less of a priority.  Somehow as the weeks went by, it seemed less of a necessity.  This morning, driving the kids to school I realized it was really a gift.  Now when we are in the car, we make up stories.  We talk about what may be bothering us.  We make plans for what we want to do after school.  Most of all, we use this precious time together to communicate as a family!

You can’t see how wonderful the world is while you’re complaining.

It’s very easy these days to find something to complain about.  Winter.  The Economy.  While it seems harmless, it a dangerous habit.  

“Complaining, like all thought patterns, is not mere observation.  Complaining is a creative act.  The more you complain, the more you summon your creative energies to attract something to complain about.  Your complaints may seem fully justified, but realize that whenever you complain, you are placing your order for more of the same.  Complaining is not merely about the past.  Whenever you make a complaint, realize you are setting an intention — a goal — for the future.”  – Steve Pavlina

This morning instead of complaining about the cold, I smiled at the warmth of the sun on my face.  Refuse to complain for one day.  See how much better you feel at the end of the day.

Words Matter

Our family recently added a day trip to Disney World to our Florida holiday this year.   It was a wonderful day filled with many magical moments for both our children.  It was busy at the park given it was the Christmas school break for kids across Canada and the U.S. 

I understand how a parent could be on edge trying to keep track of their children (as well as their wallets!) in all the chaos that goes with a trip to  Dinsey World.  I must admit that my nerves were frazzled after 6 hours (we stayed 12 hours).  But I think we need to be careful about how we that frustration is verbalized to our children.  I overheard one mother loudly berating her young children for “getting themselves lost” and causing her unnecessary worry.   While we all have to abide by family rules to make a trip to a crowded place enjoyable, ultimately it is our responsibility as a parent to keep track of young children.  And, we certainly have to let our children know when they are doing something that can cause them harm (wandering away from us to touch Pooh Bear) there is a respectful way to address the problem.  The words we use with our children teaches them what words to use with others.  Choose yours wisely – words matter.

Just ask Barack Obama … http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=7ffwY74XbS4&feature=related

The Importance of Manners

I was at a fundraising event this past Friday and a few vendors started to discuss a noticeable lack of manners and kindness.  In general, there has been a lapse of manners and civility in society today.  If each one of us took that extra moment for the most basic of manners or to extend a kind word or a helping hand to a stranger, we would find the soul of our society that is so badly missing.

While researching the next version of The Chatterbox, I came across George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour

transcribed before he was 16.  I am going to start with number one.

A strong marriage is the best gift to give a child or My wise daughter!

My husband and I make it a rule not to argue in front of our now 5-year old b/g twins.  Having said that, we are realistic and know that they will encounter disagreements.  We try to teach them that it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

Wise at 5!

These past few weeks have been more hectic than usual in our family.  Our kids graduated from their school prep course, our business is growing and my husband is very busy at work and working on his golf game!

On our way to the graduation ceremony for the end of the School’s Cool program we got a flat tire which put us in jeapordy of being late.  My biggest pet peeve is being late!  I feel instant stress when I am about to be late.  I know this but I still find my temperature rising when it is about to happen.  I was “discussing” with my husband that we should have taken the other car and this wouldn’t have happened.  I may have been using a tone of voice that was a little more, shall we say, harsh than I should have.

After listening for a while, my daughter piped up from the back seat and said “Mom, you married dad so that means you love him so you shouldn’t argue. 

Sometimes we forget just how important our partner is and take advantage of this.  My daughter’s words will stay with me for a long time and I will try harder to be more agreeable when I disagree.

Creativity and Imagination

I was at a tradeshow recently put on by www.themompreneur.com.  I met a wonderful mom and fellow mompreneur.  Her name is Annette and she runs a Crock-A-Doodle franchise.  She was telling me how rewarding it is when she works with adult groups.  The adults are tentative at first when presented with a blank canvas and asked to create whatever they want.  She sees the hesitation turn to into pleasure as they let go of expectation and worry of being judged and just have fun!

She told me another story which made me both angry and sad.  Her young daughter was asked in school to create a picture using Spring colours.  Like any child, she used her imagination and chose purple.  Her teacher told her that purple wasn’t a Spring colour and sent a note home with her drawing.  Of course, her daughter was in tears.  I can’t imagine what that teacher was thinking!

In today’s achievement-oriented world, we often neglect the importance of imagination and creativity.  A child can express his real self in imaginative play.  Imagination integrates a child’s feelings and dreams and actions.  Children need to be given time to use their minds.  Too often, school teaches memorization and does not reward independent thought or creative input.  Then, when that child becomes a young adult, enters the workforce and is expected to think, they are ill equipped to do so.

We need to nurture these skills in the home.  TV, except in small doses, exposes children to an artificial world, numbing their own imaginative adventures. 

As adults, we may be a little rusty in the imagination department.  Sit down with your children and create a story.  Let one person start and then the next person continue until you have created a joint story! 

Make Time For Family

A few nights ago, my husband David and I were guests on 900chml, a Hamilton, Ontario radio station discussing bullying with show host, Scott Thompson. Their web site has an informative and startling documentary on cyber bullying well worth viewing.

While we were discussing bullying in general, one stat that we both found amazing is that of children who bully in grade two, 60% were convicted of a felony by the age of 24. While there were too many things to discuss in the short interview, what we wanted to communicate to the listeners and to you here today is that this problem needs to be addressed by us – the parents. We need to create a family environment where each family member feels a strong sense of love, respect, support and belonging.

The other issue we touched on briefly is teaching life skills to kids at an early age and is it really appropriate. As any parent of young kids already knows, kids learn whether you make a conscious effort to teach them or not. Let’s teach them the skills that will actually help them transition into happy, successful and independent adults!

If you need further proof of this, listen to these stats that came up while talking about kids and money. More young adults declared bankruptcy than graduated from college or university last year. In fact, school administrators say they lose more students to high credit card debt than to academic failure.

I say we need to start eating dinner together as a family again. Regularly eating dinner as a family gives everyone an opportunity to truly communicate and to discuss how each person’s day went. It gives your children an opportunity to discuss current world issues in the news, talk about what their friends are doing, and discuss their wants, their needs and what is bothering them. Most important, it gives you a regular opportunity to give your children your undivided attention and at the same time build a belief system based on your family values.

Let me know what you think.